This is something I have not really talked about here. It's been a few months, and I am ready to talk about it with you guys... Some of you may not know, and some of you probably only know a little bit of what has been going on.
I'm Rachael, I'm 22, and I just got divorced. I married young, I was just barely 20 when I got married... If you look through my old posts you will see posts of me and my ex together. I don't believe in deleting them, so feel free to look.
Where I live (Utah), divorce is pretty frowned upon. I'm not really a supporter in divorce myself. I believe in love and marriage.
(Though I'm not in any rush to get married again.. believe me.)
I believe in relationships, and working hard, and fighting through the hard times.
BUT I am also a believer in standing up for yourself, and being treated right.
I gave it my all for nearly two years. I won't go into details, but I was abused physically, and emotionally.. I felt so alone while I should have felt loved. I was ignored. I sat alone not talking to anyone for days while my ex was playing with friends.
I didn't feel that it was right to accept being treated that way, and just keep living my life, day to day being ignored, insulted, and neglected. I wanted to find someone who would treat me right, and if I couldn't find that someone, then I would be fully prepared to live my life alone. (I still am.)
It took a lot of strength and courage to come to my decision to leave. No one really truly understands how hard it is unless you have been through it... and I know some of you readers have been through this.
I was living in Memphis when I made my decision. I didn't have much money, I didn't even have a car. I had to rent a car, pack everything up and drive back home to Utah. Alone. I was terrified, and I felt so little and all alone...What would life be like? Moving back to my old town, seeing the people who gave me wedding gifts. Seeing the people who told me marriage was a bad idea.. admitting I was wrong. It would be very embarrassing, but I was determined to change my life. I realized that I was missing out on someone who would care about me. After all... No one really gets sick of loving. People get sick of being neglected and ignored and insulted by someone they love.
Sometimes, life feels like it's shattering around you.. everything is falling apart. I choose to give my life to someone. I planned on staying with this person forever, having kids and growing old together. And then next thing I knew, everything was falling apart.
But I felt hopeful.
Because you always have a choice.
I could have chosen to hate love, hate life and hate everything. I could have locked myself up in the house for days and days. I could have given up. But I didn't, and I won't.
Life is still beautiful, and people are still beautiful.
Love is still beautiful.
Life is as good as you want it to be.
And after everything that happened, and everything I've been through, and will go through...
Life will be beautiful.